I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
Are my feet made of real feet?
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
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