HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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