My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
