I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
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