it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
