Plan B is the new Plan A
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
