i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
