Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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