Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
Randomize
