Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Randomize
