i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I will be naked everywhere
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
