It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
