after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
