Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Girls should come with a carfax report
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
