last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
