so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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