Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
