If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Randomize
