Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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