Will you blow on my dice?
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
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