it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
