After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
