6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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