do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
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