You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
