you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
