I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize
