Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
