i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
