If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
