Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
