I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
