you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Randomize
