I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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