pop tarts are not kleenex
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Randomize
