Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
