I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
