How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Randomize
