cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
