I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
