ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Randomize
