My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
