You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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