Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
