Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
