my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Randomize
