His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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