And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
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