So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
