I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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