the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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