You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
his ringtone is the jonas brothers. get me the fuck out of here NOW.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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