So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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