Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
